Thursday, June 4, 2009

The English Language

There is no egg in eggplant not ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
And while no one knows what is in a hotdog,
you can be pretty sure it isn't canine.

English muffins were not invented in England
nor French fries in France.
Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads,
which aren't sweet,are meat.

We take english for granted,
but if we explore its paradoxes
we find that quicksand can work slowly
boxing rings are square
and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write,
but fingers don' find, gocers don't groce,
and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth
why isn't the plural og booth,beeth?
One goose,2 geese.So one moose,2 meese?
Is cheese the plural of choose?
One mouse,2 mice
One louse,2 lice
One house,2 hice?

If teachers taught,why didn't preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables
what does a humanitarian eat?

Why do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck or car and cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
How can the weather be hot as Hell one day
and cold as Hell another?

When a house burns up,it burns down
You fill in a form by filling it out
and a alarm clock goes off by going on.

You get in and out of a car
you get on and off a bus
When stars come out they are visible
but when lights are out they are invisble.

And why,whenI wind up my watch,I start it
but when I wind up an essay I end it?
English is a silly language...
it doesn't know if its coming or going!!

The poem is written by an anonymous poet. It was published in 2008 Kuwait Times.Exact date unknown.

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